...but its the Queen's language and we will continue to speak it the Queen's way!!
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes;
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese;
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen ?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet ?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth ?
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose;
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother & also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his & him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis & shim !
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
Neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England.
but if we explore its paradoxes,
We find that quicksand can work slowly,
boxing rings are square;
A guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
Why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing,
Grocers don't groce & hammers don't ham ?
you can make amends but not one amend ?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends ...
and get rid of all but one of them,
What do you call it ?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
what does a humanitarian eat ?
In what other language do people recite at a play,
and play at a recital ?
We have noses that run & feet that smell;
We park in a driveway & drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance & a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man & a wise guy are opposites ?
in which your house can burn up as it burns down;
In which you fill in a form by filling it out,
& in which an alarm goes off by going on.
If Father is Pop ....
how come Mother's not Mop ? ? ? ?
PLURALS
The English Plural
according to ....
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
If the plural of man is always called men,
Then one may be that, & three would be those,
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
We take English for granted,
Doesn't it seem crazy that ...
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught ?
Sometimes I think all people who speak English
Should be in an asylum for the verbally insane.
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship ...
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
And in closing ....
